Episode Tag 7x03: Orange Blossom Ice Cream
by kykkio
Summary: Jane and Lisbon's thoughts about Erica


Sorry in advance because this is a VERY long tag (I always wanted to explore that kiss with Erica). Enjoy!

**I do not own The Mentalist**

Tag 7x03: Orange Blossom Ice Cream

Lisbon opened their hotel room and stepped in, closing the big wooden door behind her with a foot, not bothering to switch on the lights. The big room was fully lightened by the moon outside, giving to the space almost the appearance of an oriental fairy tail.

Kicking her shoes and dropping her handbag on a table Lisbon surveyed her surroundings without really paying attention. This case had been a pain since the beginning, no wonder with Erica Flynn involved, and she couldn't wait to put her in jail and return home. Lisbon groaned in annoyance, and of course Erica had to do what was in her hand to make it more difficult. She really hated that woman. And it was not because she had been involved with Jane. She was a professional and this had nothing to do… ok maybe a little. Lisbon closed her eyes and chuckled wryly, but she hated her before knowing, it had to count for something, isn't it?

Sighing tiredly she rubbed her yes and shivered when a soft breeze caressed her skin. Padding barefoot to the side of the room she closed the big window, looking at the view below. This city was boiling with people and all the motorized vehicles you could think of. Lisbon had never been one to travel, never had the time she reminded herself, but she must reckon that now they could start doing it. She smiled at her reflection on the smooth glass. It was still shocking, as if her life was split in two halves, before and after. What she wasn't sure of was if this point of inflexion had been since _his_ death or since she and Jane were together. Speaking of which…

She exhaled slowly, he should have told her. She was not angry thought, just…

Rubbing her neck she retraced her steps and sat at the edge of their big bed. Sometimes she was scared that this habit of his of keeping secrets was going to tear them apart. The lies and secrets had separated them for so long that now she snapped when she believed he was hiding something from her. She bit her lower lip and shook her head. She had to work on this. She knew he was working on letting her know things so she should do her part of their unspoken agreement.

Loudly she let her body fall on the bed, her feet dangling over the edge, and moaned in pleasure. This bed was absolutely wonderful from the soft mattress to the even softer linens. With one hand she caressed the cushions absently minded.

Erica loved to have power over people, and in her world information was power, this was one of the reasons she had hated when she had explained her affair with Jane. Well if you could call it an affair, honestly for Erica's words she had been expecting something far worse.

And Jane? Silly man thinking this could come between them. She had to reassure him, since he seemed unsure if she was going to bolt and run away even for the slightest mishap. Jane had to understand that what bothered her was the secrecy, not what he had or had not done in his past. She _knew_ him. Although she must reckon that for a moment Erica had made her think that Jane had been fooling her all this time and a queue of ex lovers were gonna show up any minute.

She blushed embarrassed and covered her eyes with an arm, better not to think about exs, she was kind of, sort of, almost…jealous. Knowing Jane had only had some sort of intimacy with Erica and Lorelei was almost comforting. It would have been weird if she had had to reconstruct her mental picture of Jane's love life, one of the scarce aspects of his life she had been absolutely sure in these years. When she had asked Jane who else, she was starting to panic, thinking that if this thing she had been completely certain of wasn't true, what else could she have been wrong? Had she known him at all?

Lisbon huffed, feeling her heartbeat rising. Jane had reassured her in the best possible way, admitting nothing could have come of it, as she had suspected then. Hell, he had not been ready to move on until she was almost on her way to marry another man!

And he had deflected the question about Lorelei asking about Mashburn. At the thought Lisbon couldn't suppress a chuckle, blushing furiously and lifting her legs on the bed, curling into a ball and lying perpendicularly to it. Well played indeed. There were things that maybe were better unknown. What was important was that they were together _now _that they were happy _now _and they were planning to stay that way for a _very_ long time. Forever if she had a say in this.

Lisbon stretched like a lazy cat and turned to find a more confortable position still at the foot of the bed, her eyelids starting to drop even if her intention was to wait for him. In this weird moment between being awake and falling asleep a revelation struck her: she was not worried now that Jane was alone with Erica. She trusted him. Not just with Erica but in a way she never thought possible weeks before. Half asleep and smiling peacefully at that thought, she was hearing the sounds around her like in a dream, muffled and unconnected. At last she exhaled softly and didn't hear the door opening at her feet.

Jane peered into the room trying to see if Lisbon was still awake or, if it wasn't the case, trying to not disturb her. He spotted her quickly, lying on the covers, fully dressed at the end of the bed. He quirked an eyebrow amused for her position, suspecting she had tried not to fall asleep, he just hoped the motives were the usual ones and not fear that Erica was seducing him. Closing the door behind him slowly, he toed his shoes next to hers, discarding quickly his jacket and opening the buttons of his vest.

He had texted Abbot on his way to the hotel, not waiting to waste any minute of his precious time with Lisbon to do it, in the taxi his muscles reminding him that briefly he would have this same woman in his arms for the rest of the night. He flexed unconsciously his fingers staring at her, the moon skimming over her silhouette, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders almost hiding her face. Approaching cautiously, he crouched at her side and brushed a lock of hair away from her face. Lisbon didn't even stirred which was good. Although a little disappointing.

Jane smirked at the thought. Disappointing for obvious reasons, but good because it meant she was not worried for Erica since she had fallen asleep deeply. Lisbon was a light sleeper if something was bothering her.

He sat on the floor watching her features under the dim light. So strong and still so unsure about his feelings for her. He hoped he had made them clear, at least now, because his feelings back then had been confused even for him. His focus had been trying not to name them, thinking they would be easier to handle. Of course he had known, but knowing, acknowledging and wanting to act on them were _very _different things. He had tried to bury them under as many layers and names as possible at that time.

Jane scanned her face in the dark and frowned. Erica had kissed him back then, and in a weird and twisted way she had awoken a part of him he had not bothered to remember after his family. The man in him. The man who could be attracted to a beautiful woman. And it had scared the hell out of him. And made him furious too. Because this part of his life was supposed to be dead forever.

Just after they kissed, he had felt confused and angry and scared. Because he was not supposed to like or even respond to it but the fact is that he did. And not because it was Erica but because he had forgotten what it was to be kissed and kiss back. He had forgotten what it was to feel on his skin the touch of a woman who wanted him. So his mind had done the only possible thing for coping with his turmoil, bolting, even though this apparently innocent event had kept him thinking, for more time that he was comfortable to admit aloud. What if it was a woman _he_ wanted? And suddenly he hadn't been able to get out of his head the thought that he _could _want a woman this way. During these six months in las Vegas, drunk half of the time and with his defenses low, he had thought about it. A lot. And with Lisbon in mind.

_It wasn't nothing at the time, but it was a long time ago. It was never gonna amount to anything…it couldn't_

It had meant something because he was supposed not to feel anything, but it couldn't lead to anything at the same time. The guilt and confusion and self-hatred he had felt had proved it and had made his resolution even stronger. Not telling Lisbon. Never. Because she was already in his heart and soul and he was not going to allow these same feelings associated with her. And he was afraid that was what was going to happen at the end. He was not willing to risk Lisbon if the result was gonna be the self-loathed that Erica had brought to him with a single kiss. A kiss without even feelings involved. He had been horrified just thinking he could resent Lisbon.

He couldn't promise her anything, but he couldn't pretend not to notice his or her feelings for much longer.

Jane felt a tight knot in his throat, he was not sure if it was anguish or his heart threatening to get out. He approached his hand to her face but retreated, resting it inches from her nose, not daring to touch her but trying to soothe himself with her presence. As he had done in the CBI, when she was not his. When she _couldn't_ be his.

That had been one of the darkest and hardest periods of his life and he had made the decision then of doing whatever it took to bring that man down, even sleeping with Lorelei had been easier after that. With her it had been like a job, no feelings involved. Even the guilt and self-hatred present with Erica hadn't appeared. With Lorelei it felt like a punishment for himself and he had believed deep inside he deserved it.

Jane brushed slowly the soft skin of her neck and she murmured something half asleep making him smile, feeling the knot in his throat disappear. Standing up carefully he climbed on the bed behind her and encircled her waist with his arms, nuzzling her hair. She cuddled against his chest in involuntary response making him tighten his embrace and he squeezed his eyes shot trying to steady his breathing. Reminding himself that that was a long time ago, that now things were different, that now he _really_ had her.

Lisbon moaned in protest and flinched noticing a presence at her back.

"Jane?" She murmured questioningly.

"Were you expecting someone else? Should I be worried?" He tried to joke but his voice came out broken and breathless.

Lisbon frowned and turned in Jane's arms and he just adjusted their position, placing a hand in the small of her back.

"Everything… is ok?"

Jane had to suppress a grin when Lisbon tried to hold eye contact with him. Her hair disheveled and her eyes fighting to stay open.

"Shh. Just keep on sleeping love. All went according to the plan"

Lisbon pressed her lips avoiding a smile at the endearment term and placed a hand on his chest trying to resist Jane's efforts to press her against his body.

"I was not… asleep" She pouted, her voice vaguely a whisper.

Jane chuckled huskily and continued in a low voice "Then, you should do it now"

"Everything… ok?"

Half asleep she hadn't noticed she had repeated the question. He lifted the corner of his lips and studied her face from the short distance, her green eyes trying to focus on him, her brown hair sprawled on the linens and her lips parted. His heart felt like bursting.

In quiet answer he approached his face to hers and carefully brushed her lips with his. Once.

Hearing her humming down her throat, he smiled against her lips. Soft and calmly, in contrast with many other nights, he brushed her lips again feeling her respond lazily.

And again.

The night quiet outside, the only sounds in the room their even breathing and the distant lullaby of traffic. Warm and soft.

After a while he felt Lisbon's grip on his shirt loosening until she didn't respond to him any longer. Jane chuckled resting his forehead against hers, his eyes closing peacefully, and murmured against her lips.

"This is a stab to my ego you know?"

Jane sighed in content. That was how life with her was supposed to be. Not about things of his past coming down to hunt them. He had made so many things he was sure she didn't approve. But… the worst thing was that he still thought it had been necessary back then. Opening hastily his eyes at the thought, he tightened his grip on her. His blue eyes scanning her face in distress, the peaceful atmosphere broken already. All of this had led him to this perfect moment with her, but he had made her suffer so much. He had seen it then and had kept on. What did it say of him? Of his feelings for her?

"You know I love you… right?" His shaky and whispered statement to her sleeping partner cut the air and let the question dangling over their heads.

Lisbon inhaled sharply and blinked, focusing her green eyes quizzically on him. Fully awake now. Staring at his distressed face she tried to understand where was this coming from. They had been so warm and sleepy… at last she shook her head, she couldn't understand what was going on but she could reassure him.

"Yes"

"B-back then I-I couldn't… I was not…" He stammered and shook briefly his head looking at her face desperately trying to explain himself and failing miserably, the palm on her back bringing her closer if possible. At last he closed his eyes trying to clear his thoughts. Trying to find the right words.

"You couldn't promise me anything because it couldn't amount to anything" She stated quietly and Jane opened his eyes in shock, his pulse accelerating.

Lisbon lifted a corner of her lips and ran a hand through his soft curls, soothing him.

"Lisbon I'm…"

"But now it can" She interrupted him, curling a rebel lock of blond hair with a finger, and repeated her movements, staring calmly at his blue eyes. Feeling his heart beat returning to its previous state she relaxed in his arms.

"I'd like that" He whispered hoarsely not breaking eye contact.

Her smile widened and she bit her lower lip, feeling her eyes prickling "Good"

They stared at each other in silence, Lisbon's fingers busy brushing his hair and looking at him openly. Love in her eyes. At last Jane half smiled embarrassed and loosened a little his grip on her, their eyes locked.

Lisbon lift the corner of her lips, never stopping her caress, the way he was looking at her felt so good. With adoration.

Finally he chuckled and quirked an eyebrow, speaking conversationally.

"You're supposed to say me too, you know"

Lisbon rolled her eyes in false annoyance "potato, potahto"

"Using my words agent Lisbon? I didn't know I made such a big impression" He teased with a deep voice and in a fast movement, and with a short yelp of Lisbon followed by a laugh, he rolled her on her back, cajoling her with his arms and a mischevious smile.

"I think…"

But what he was thinking was never heard, as they both slid, almost in slow motion, to the floor in a mess of sheets and cushions.

They looked at each other silently, blinking in confusion, trying to understand what had just happened. Lisbon was the first one to speak, her eyes wide open, bewildered, her hands griping the fabric over his chest.

"What… Why… were we sleeping at the end of the bed?"

He stared at her confused face for a moment and started to chuckle, hiding his face in her neck, his body trembling.

"It… beats me my dear" His amused voice was muffled against her skin and he felt Lisbon trying to suppress a hearty laugh without success, dropping her head back "But... could I suggest moving this to the bed?"

He lifted his head from her neck, with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and a wide grin, and broadened his smile seeing Lisbon blushing and diverting her gaze. At last their eyes met and she lifted an eyebrow in amusement making Jane's smile widen.

"Come on let's go"

She pushed him away from her still laughing and moved to the bathroom to get ready for the night. Jane stood up shocking his head, rearranging the linens and the cushions on the bed, a big smile still in place.


End file.
